A shaky start to the year.

With the start of the New Year, social media is filled with messages of motivation and positivity for the year ahead. Everyone seems to be making positive life changes or kicking their work up a notch. It’s so amazing to see everyone being so motivated and determined to achieve their goals – but it’s also been frustrating for me, because I’ve really not had the best start to 2018.

I wanted to write this post, not to complain about my situation, but to act as a bit of an explanation for the past few weeks. I’ve only posted once here on my blog (my 2018 goals post, ironically), I missed the final week of Vlogmas on my YouTube channel and my social media posts have been quite sporadic. I’ve also just not felt completely like myself and I find that writing about it tends to help me.

So I went home to Scotland for Christmas – I was really looking forward to it, considering I hadn’t spent an extended period of time there for months. But very sadly, 2 days before Christmas my grandmother passed away. I haven’t mentioned this anywhere online, because if I’m being honest I didn’t really know how. I’ve never really experienced grief before, and I’m also just write a private person in general, so I decided not to mention it at all.

My Christmas at home was still very lovely – there was all the usual nice drinks, food and laughter with my family. But, of course, it wasn’t quite the same.

It’s been an emotional few weeks, that’s all I can really say about it (like I said, I’m not great with dealing with these sort of things).

Earlier this week I flew back up to Scotland for the day to attend my gran’s funeral. It’s so incredibly sad to bury a loved one, but there is also something so lovely about seeing all of your family and feeling their collective support. We shared funny stories from when we were younger and remembered how bold (and often brash!) my gran was. It was quite a bittersweet day, in the end.

You may have also seen on my Twitter and Instagram that I’ve had the flu for what has felt like years. Ok, well, it was like 3 weeks. But it was honestly the most unwell I have ever been in my life and it came at the worst possible time. Thankfully, I’ve started to feel a lot better this week but it just feels like I’ve lost so much time. A workaholic’s response to illness, eh?

So, yeah. It’s been a shaky start to the year. I haven’t started 2018 by blasting through to-do lists or smashing a new work-out routine. But while it does frustrate me to not be completely on it with work and blogging, I know that I needed to take a step back during this time.

What I have learned after having this experience, is that in 2018 I am going to be much more grateful for my health and for my family. Going through these things makes you see that those two things are what matter the most.

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